16th
Being lonely.
I was talking to my good friend Derek for a long time the other night in Poughkeepsie and he said something that’s been haunting me a little bit. He said that touring means being alone. Its weird to the non-touring eye because your constantly surrounded by the same 5 people 24/7, how can you be lonely? Imagine going away for 2 months and then coming home. Think of how much happens in 2 months, how much you miss. People’s hair gets longer, cut or colored, birthdays occur, relationships start, hook ups go down, people move, buy new cars, furniture, clothes, people lose weight, people gain weight. (I could keep going but you’d stop reading.) All the while you’re in a van with the same 5 people. Then trying to go home and become a part of your society again means catching up on all that you’ve missed. You’re sharing your life with 5 people and everyone on the outside doesn’t get it. Its not the same for any band. And people back home have no clue. But why talk about what’s happening with 5 people that are going through the same thing you are? They know, they’re there too. So where do you go? Who understands and is willing to listen? Today we’ve been on the road for a month. If I go back out with them in April it’ll be 2 months. Its hard, its fun and awesome and a great experience, but its hard. I counted today, I’ve been to, driven through, stayed at or eaten in 32 states. For early 20’s, that’s awesome. I’ve done so much more than friends my age have. The grass is always greener though… We just passed the South Carolina border. Only another half hour before we get to the hotel. We’ve been driving all day, I’m down for some TV or a movie, then hitting the hay! -Mandi Merch Location: North Carolina/South Carolina border.
Weather: Cold. 37 degrees.
Mood: Contemplative.
Random Thought: Derek is an amazing person.
Listening To: Bayside - The Walking Wounded. And I’ve realized
There’s no right way to go
So what if I’m a sinner
I’ve got black spots on my liver
And cancer grown on both my lungs
We take everything we know
About ourselves and put them in
A diary in a firing
Scrutiny blown on me now
I think I’m ready to go..
